It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
