they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
