She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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