you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
