I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We need to get me chipped asap
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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