I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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