Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
