You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
