haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
