So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
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BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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