there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
