i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
