Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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