Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
