Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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