If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
