when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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