theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
