Sponge bath it is.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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