People with herpes should wear stickers.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point đź’ś
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
