i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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