Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
