This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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