filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize