i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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