Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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