sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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