Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
