Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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