i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
