with your own penis?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
