Already got asked if we're dating
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
