Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
