My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
