you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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