My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
