You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
