the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
