she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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