So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ladies don't puke and tell
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
