Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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