I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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