PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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