So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
