Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
