Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
