I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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