I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
