Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The air taste purple.
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