babies were throwing up all over the place
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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