if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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