i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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