Cold hands, warm shart.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
