Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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