I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
