Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
